Saturday, January 22, 2011

Genes, Part 3

So, there you go. Same two parents. Two kids. Both children are smart, funny, beautiful, kind, healthy, and every other positive thing every parent believes about their own children. However, neither child has typical language development. And one has a pretty serious speech disorder that will probably change the rest of her life.

I tread lightly here because I firmly believe that what is right and obvious for me and my family is not necessarily right for everyone. If you make different choices I applaud you for them and pass no judgment on them simply because they are different from mine.

Having said that…. Having a child with special needs is a situation I need to devote a significant amount of resources to. Those resources include emotional ones, financial ones, and time. I always felt that two children were enough for our family but I’ll admit that I was sad to think I’d never be pregnant or nurse an infant again. I might have considered more children at some point. Now I just can’t. All my resources need to go to the two children I already have. And that would be the case even if I could get some guarantee that my next child would have typical development. And doesn’t that seem unlikely.

And so I find myself in a rather common human condition. I didn’t really want more children. Not really. But I certainly didn’t want that choice to be taken away from me. And even if it is irrational, I feel like the set of circumstances I find myself in has taken that choice away from me. And I resent it. It’s irrational, but still, that’s the way I feel.

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