OT and Pudding

Our occupational therapist showed up yesterday morning with a box of pudding. I'm not a huge fan of pudding myself, so I'm pretty sure my children have never made pudding before. They might have been served some at school or at my parent's house. Perhaps they've tried some at a buffet. We've never had any here at home though.

Our goals for the day were to work on feeding (she came at breakfast time) and to continue to work on sensory exploration. While I made breakfast (eggs, sausage, and dry cheerios) the OT made vanilla pudding with the children. The children enjoyed tasting the dry mix, measuring and pouring in the milk, and stirring the pudding. Then we let the pudding set while we ate breakfast.

Ava likes dry cheerios, tolerates a little egg, and traditionally won't touch sausage. That was exactly the mix that the OT requested. First we got Ava to touch the sausage in exchange for some extra cheerios. Then we persuaded her to kiss a piece of sausage in exchange for more cheerios. Finally, we did manage to get her to lick it in exchange for some cheerios. She did not eat any. However, a month ago, I couldn't even get her to touch something she refused to eat so getting her to lick something is significant progress.

After breakfast, our OT wanted the children to fingerpaint with the vanilla pudding on construction paper. We got all set up. Everyone chose their favorite color construction paper (orange for Michael and pink for Ava). Then the OT put a dollop of pudding on each piece of construction paper. Both kids took one look and absolutely refused to touch it.

The OT modeled making a sun on her piece of paper. The kids were still not tempted. She used some cheerios to give her sun a smiley face. Still no takers on the activity. She offered them a paper towel to help keep their hands clean. Nope. Then I remembered a comment from one of my readers about how her son would only play with shaving cream if there was a bowl of water nearby (Thanks Gentle Blue!). I went and got two bowls of water and finally we were able to get started. Michael went first and Ava started tentatively with one finger. We made dots and lines. We tried unsuccessfully to get handprints. Ava washed her finger off in that bowl of water after every single dot or line.

I got Ava to play a game where I would draw something with the pudding and then she'd "erase" it with her finger. She always enjoys that game. I tried to continue the playful atmosphere by dabbing some pudding on the back of her hand. It was a big mistake. She had a meltdown. We had to clean her hands off instantly and she refused to participate or even stay at the table after that. I felt terrible. Instead of the experience ending on a slightly positive or neutral note, I pushed her too far and it ended really negatively. Lesson learned I suppose.

It is fascinating to see the variety of rather common household substances (shaving cream, cornstarch and water, instant pudding) that the OT is using in therapy. It's been good. I've been very pleased with how things are going so far.

Preparing Early

I've been slow to hop on board the Halloween excitement train. The very first year Michael was about to turn one and I was pregnant with Ava. My parents did Halloween with Michael and I stayed home and rested.

The second year my children were old enough to really participate. Michael was about to turn two and Ava was not yet one. We bought costumes at the last minute at Old Navy choosing from the few costumes that were still available in the appropriate sizes. Michael was a tiger and Ava was a kitty. It was fine, but they wore the costumes for about 45 minutes total.

Last year they were a little more excited. We waited too long again (about a month before Halloween) and chose from limited options at Old Navy a second time. Michael was a dragon and Ava was a bee. They were baby costumes. The ones that are sort of like sticking your children into a stuffed animal.

This year Michael is old enough to remember the last Halloween and to be excited about the coming Halloween. I actually remembered that waiting until the end of September was going to result in poor selection. Last night we made an outing of going to look at costumes. We went to Cracker Barrel which often has cute costumes. We found a couple of cute costumes in appropriate sizes. Then we went next door and treated the children to half of a chocolate Krispy Creme doughnut with sprinkles each. They were so excited. All in all a successful night.

Michael's fireman costume will need some sort of pants and a warm shirt underneath the jacket. Ava's costume will need some method of keeping her warm. Perhaps a long-sleeve leotard and heavy tights? So, we're not completely done preparing yet. But it is nice to be a little ahead of schedule this year.

Arbitrary Dictates vs. Negotiation

As much as possible, I try to avoid making completely arbitrary decisions with my children. You know the ones. I'm talking about when you tell them "no" simply because that was the first response that came to mind. Or just because it is more convenient to tell them no than to let them make a mess pulling out yet another toy. Often, when I catch myself having made a completely arbitrary decision, I will change my mind. I'll say, "You know, I thought about it and actually I've decided that that is okay after all."

And then I read How to Land Your Kid in Therapy. The article talks about a lot of things that made me think. One small section talks about parents that don't actually say "no" and stick with it.

I started paying attention. My children negotiate a lot. Here's an example.

Me: When we get home it will be naptime. We'll have to go straight upstairs.
Them: Can we play a little first?
Me: No.
Them: Just one minute?
Me: Ok. Just one minute.

And then we really do play for only a short time. I usually feel like compromise and being flexible are good things to model, but as I started to pay attention I began to realize that my children seem to thing absolutely everything is up for negotiation.

I want to dress Ava. She wants to debate every single item of clothing and who gets to put it on how quickly. I want to get the children in the car and they want to choose a toy first. I say this is the last television show and they want just one more.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that my children are out of control. They are usually very well behaved and their requests are often fairly reasonable and not particularly disruptive to routine. However, I'm not sure that I want the take home message to be that I can always be negotiated with and I never really mean what I say.

I feel like one end of the spectrum is the "I expect you do do what I say when I say it." school of parenting while the other end of the spectrum is the "My child is a person and should do whatever they want." end of the spectrum. I'd like to fall somewhere in the middle, where I respect them and take their wants and feelings into consideration, but they respect me as the parent and ultimate decision maker. I'm just not sure that I'm achieving that at the moment.

Anyway, it was an interesting train of thought and I'm trying to be a bit less negotiable for a while. Where do all of you fall on the spectrum?