A new power put to use

Ava is learning to communicate and she loves it. She feels empowered. She can ask for the specific food she wants to eat. She can request the specific television show she wants to watch. She can ask her mama or daddy to drop what they’re doing and come play. She can tell her brother “no”. So many things are now possibilities that weren’t before. Mostly this is all good. However…

She’s also about to turn two. We’re celebrating her birthday this weekend, in fact. You know what they say about two. It often involves the words “terrible” and “tantrums”. Combine the explosion in her ability to communicate with the natural nature of a two year old and you get a child who has discovered how to protest. Loudly. At great length. Complete with tears and wailing. For example, we came in from a walk. Ava wanted to go back outside and I told her that we couldn’t because it was time to get dinner ready. She sat in front of the door and cried for 15 minutes. Then she finally noticed that I wasn’t paying attention and gave up. This is happening more and more frequently. Now it tends to be at least once a day.

Ava is also developing a mama thing. When she asks for milk she wants me to get it for her. If she needs to potty she wants me to take her. When it’s time to get ready for bed she wants me to read the books. And you should see the performance when I leave her at school two mornings a week. At first we indulged her. It didn’t seem like a big deal to just have me take her to the bathroom instead of her daddy. But then it got worse. The insistence on mama instead of daddy started coming more often and the protests became more dramatic. Now, she will simply refuse to use the bathroom unless it’s me. Even if my husband carries her to the bathroom and places her on the potty, she won’t go. The child certainly knows her own mind. I’ve seen her hold it for more than two hours rather than go for her daddy.

I don’t really know what to do about any of this other than to refuse to indulge her. Surely this is a stage that won’t last forever?

The secret and the consequences

I have discovered the secret to getting my children to enthusiastically finish off an entire bowl of carrots (or cucumbers or celery) and then come begging for more. First, provide dip. Second, give it to them before the meal. Serve it when they’re hungry, but you haven’t finished getting dinner ready yet. I put out a bowl of raw veggies with a side of dip and they go to town. If I serve it with the meal they’ll eat one or two. If I serve it before the meal they’ll polish off a whole bowl and ask for more.

I did this the other day, but told them “no” when they asked for seconds. I wanted them to be hungry for the rest of the meal. A few minutes later they wandered into the kitchen hands and faces covered in ranch dip. Since they were out of carrots they had just decided to finish off the dip with their hands. Sigh. I said to Michael as I was wiping off his hands, “In the future, we do not eat dip with our hands.” He asked, “Is this the future?”

A magical 90 seconds

Imagine, if you will, a play place at the mall. In it there is a small rowboat divided into two sections by a small bench to sit on. On one side of the bench, nestled in the spot where the feet would go if you were sitting on the bench, is a young girl perhaps 2 ½ or 3 years old. Ava crawled into the other side facing the bench and the girl.

Now, what would usually happen here is that the other child would make some sort of friendly advance towards Ava. She would respond by screaming and turning away as if she’d been attacked in some way and I would have to apologize to the parent and explain that Ava reacts that way to everyone. I promise. Their child had been perfectly polite – friendly even. Then Ava would run/crawl/climb away as quickly as possible while I try to explain to her that the other child was just trying to be nice.

This time was different – wonderfully different. The other little girl glanced at Ava, only briefly, and smiled and then began drumming on the bench. Ava smiled back and began drumming too. They were playing together. Both laughing. Making eye contact. When one would stop, the other would start again and more laughter and drumming ensued. At one point the other little girl stood up saying, “Up!” and Ava immediately mimicked her standing up and saying “Uh!” And then they both sat down and drummed some more.

Then two other little girls tried to climb in too and broke the magic spell. At that point things were way too crowded for Ava and she left. The whole thing couldn’t have lasted more than 90 seconds, but they were a magical 90 seconds.

Imagine, other parents take such things for granted.