Playdates

Our neighborhood is filled with little boys. One little boy, who lives up the street, is only six weeks older than Michael. Let’s call him Justin. I ran into Justin’s family during one of the walks I took with Michael his first summer when he was only six months old or so and I was desperately trying to stop the crying. By the time the boys were about a year old we were doing regular weekly playdates. It’s great. They’re a wonderful family and I’ve enjoyed watching the boys go from babies that played near each other to little boys who are beginning to play with each other.

At two (almost), as you all know, I felt Ava was also ready for regular playdates. And just last week through pure luck I stumbled upon a little girl right here in our neighborhood only a few months older than Ava. Let’s call her Sara. Sara even goes to Ava’s daycare and when Ava turns two in another week she’ll be moving into Sara’s class. So the girls will be together two mornings a week until Sara moves up to the next class. Sara’s mother is really nice and we set up our first playdate this past weekend. The girls seemed to have fun. They’re a little too young to really play together, but they played nicely in the same space with the same toys. We have another playdate set up for next weekend. I hope we can continue to get together with this family. They seem nice and it is such a gift for a child to have a friend that lives nearby. Hopefully I’m planting that seed.

Sweet Rituals

Daily life with small children is made up of small rituals. How do you wake them up (or how do they wake you up)? What do you do when you put them to sleep? What special games or songs are special to you? How do they greet Daddy when he comes home from work? Some rituals are pretty boring and they are just the routines that get you though the day. Some are sweet.

Ava and I have a new ritual. It's developed since she moved to her toddler bed. One afternoon when she woke up from her nap she was cranky and I just pulled her into my lap on the floor and sang to her and rocked her until she felt better. The next day when I got upstairs after hearing her wake up she was waiting for me sitting on the floor in front of the door to her room. I could tell she was waiting for me to sit down and scoop her into my lap for a repeat of songs and rocking time.

Over the next several days more steps were added. Now it is pretty consistent. She waits for me in front of the door. We sing and rock on the floor. Then she slips out of my arms and brings over a book which we lie in front of on our tummies with arms propped on elbows to read together. Then we tickle and giggle and roll around and play until I finally suggest going downstairs.

It's a sweet way to spend some time together before our afternoon therapy session and I treasure it. It's a ritual shared just between mother and daughter that we don't have to share with anyone.

Nighttime Wakenings

Nighttime Wakening One:
We were shocked awake by Ava's cries of "Mama! Mama!" We never have to go in to her in the middle of the night, but I could hear the panic in her voice. She had a foot stuck in between the rails. As soon as I got it out she instantly rolled over and fell back asleep. The scary part is that she stayed asleep when the smoke alarm went off seconds later because I had left her humidifier on full blast and coming into her room stirred the humidity up towards the smoke alarm. Logically, our high-tech smoke alarm interprets that as a fire. After turning her fan on full blast and waving a towel at the smoke alarm for what felt like five minutes it finally shut off and we were able to go back to sleep.

Nighttime Wakening Two:
Michael fell asleep quickly the other night because he had skipped his nap. I could hear a lot more restlessness and coughing than usual through the monitor and was a little worried, but not too much. I'm lucky. The vast majority of the time The children sleep beautifully every night from bedtime through to morning. But a few minutes later I knew exactly what I was hearing - the sound of a child throwing up and panicking about it. The mess was epic and involved changing bedding, wiping down the crib, carpet cleaning, washing several stuffed animals, a 10:30 pm bath, and a new set of pajamas. Michael and I were snuggled in a blanket waiting for his Daddy to finish cleaning when round two hit. An 11:00 pm bath ensued, followed by another round of laundry.

I decided we needed at least one puke free hour before trying to put him to bed so we relocated downstairs to pass the hour in front of the tv. Round three hit 40 minutes later, but this time the mess was contained to a single blanket. 40 minutes after that we managed a bucket. At that point I sent my husband back to bed and was hoping to get Michael back into his bed at 1:40 in the morning. So of course round five hit at 1:30 am. My next goal was 2:30. We only made it until 2:00am pushing my goal back to 3am. He finally fell asleep on the floor of the living room around 3am. I left him there not wanting to risk disturbing the fragile peace and slept on the sofa myself.

Toddler Personal Ad - Response

Well, I left to pick the children up from school fully intending to ask Ava's teacher about possible playmates. Then I chickened out. It's so easy to just think, "I'll do it next time."  That's just my way of rationalizing procrastinating some more.  I was feeling guilty about it because every time I put it off I let another week slip by without a good play option for Ava. 

That same night we went for a walk before dinner.  Our weather has been unseasonably warm for a change and we were taking advantage.  So in some weird and blessed twist of fate, as we were on our walk I spotted a mother and a young daughter also out for a walk. They live about four houses away (moved in recently) and her little girl is only three months older than Ava. She gave me her email address and I contacted her that night. We'll have our first playdate Sunday. 

I hope we all get along because it can't get much better than a little girl only three months older who lives less than a two minute walk away. 

Toddler Personal Ad

Playmate wanted – St. Louis, MO area. Approximately 2 years of age. Preferably female, but will consider males. Serious inquires only. :-)

Ok. So a toddler personal ad is ridiculous, but I really do need to find Ava a playmate. Ava’s starting to show an interest in playing with others. When a friend comes over to play with Michael she follows the two of them around. We were at the park recently and she was fascinated with a three year old little girl who was playing nearby, but unfortunately that little girl didn’t want to play with a “baby” and Ava didn’t even have the language to try to engage her. The signs are there that this would be the perfect time to find a friend (preferably female) for her to play with regularly. But I don’t know anyone with a little girl. Our neighborhood is full of rough and tumble boys. Seriously. I can think of 7 boys under the age of five on our street. But no girls.

Ava does go to daycare two mornings a week and her class is full of children her age, but I never really run in to any other parents. Is it ok to ask the teacher if Ava has one or two children that she gets along with the most and put a note in the box of the children asking the parents if they’d be interested in a playdate? It seems… weird. And a little desperate. I hate to come off as weird and desperate.

Does anyone have an opinion on that idea? Or have any other ideas? I’m completely open to suggestions.

Overshadowing

I haven't talked much about Michael here. He's an amazing kid. At 3 years, 3 months I'm starting to think of him as a little kid and not as my baby or toddler any more. He's so smart and helpful. He loves to figure out how things work and always wants to help fix things. He's had the opportunity to help both his father and grandfather with plumbing and car projects and loves it. He loves to be read to and we spend at least 45 minutes a day reading. He knows all his letters, both uppercase and lowercase, and he knows a lot of the letter sounds. Just this week he's started to help me read books. We were reading a Little Bear book and he could read the words "cat", "duck", "hen", "bear", and "owl" each time they came up.

He plays with Ava now and I adore watching them play together. The sound of the two of them giggling over playing tug of war or watching them roll around wrestling just fills me with happiness and pride.

He also talks all the time. Seriously. All the time. Constantly. Even when he's alone in his room I'll hear him talking through the monitor. He's talking in full sentences and is pretty much intelligible to his family and to strangers at least 90% of the time, so my speech concerns for him have disappeared. All the talking is wonderful, except for one drawback.

He spent this past weekend with my parents. Friday night through Sunday evening we were without him and it gave us a lot of one-on-one time with Ava. It was amazing. She was a lot more active and assertive and talkative when he was gone. She was the one getting to direct the play. She was the one being listened to. She was the one getting all the attention. It made me realize exactly how much attention goes to Michael when he's around. It's so natural and easy to interact with the child that is talking to you and so easy to overlook the one who is silent.

I guess I need to find a way to let Ava take center stage more often even when her brother is home. She's a delight. She's funny and sweet and interested in everything going on around her. When she gets our attention she just blossoms. Now how to make it happen without making her brother feel left out?

Boo Boo

There’s nothing like having to explain to strangers (and her teachers, and the nurse at the ENT’s office, and your mother….) why your toddler pitifully wails, “Boo boo, boo boo” over and over again while you’re zipping up her coat.

You see, a couple of weeks ago Ava had an itchy spot that she was scratching bloody every time we put her to sleep. Usually we have her in pajamas with a separate top and bottom, but I remembered that a friend had given us some zippered footed pajamas as some hand-me-downs that would be perfect for this situation because she wouldn’t be able to get to the itchy spot. It worked perfectly. She loved the footed pajamas. They are brown with colored dots and she would point to dot after dot saying “da, da, da, da……”. She didn’t want to take them off when she woke up and wore them for about two days straight.

Then……. One day at nap time I accidentally caught a little bit of her thigh in the zipper. It hurt and she was pretty upset, but she did forgive me and went to sleep with the pajamas on. Then that night when it was time to put it on again, she was worried and expressed her concern to her daddy by saying, “boo boo, boo boo” over and over again. He reassured her that he would be really careful and he was. But then at the last second she looked down as he was pulling the last bit of zipper up and he caught her chin in the zipper. Well, it hurt and she completely lost it. She pretty much sobbed until he took her back out of it and dressed her in something else for the night.

She’s refused to put them on ever since. I left them hanging over the banister for a while and every time she passed by she’d say, “boo boo, boo boo!” I finally put them away. Well, now every time she comes near a zipper she’s afraid. Her coat is a major problem, but it’s winter. We can’t avoid the coat. She’s even afraid of being buckled into her car seat. It’s crazy how she’s overgeneralized the situation and I don’t have the slightest clue how to deal with it. I’m not using the pajamas any more, but we have to use the coat and the car seat. Anyone have suggestions?

Cribless

This past weekend we converted Ava's crib to a toddler bed. Our household is now officially cribless.

Macaroni Fun

So a few weeks ago our Parents as Teachers educator came by for our home visit. She brought an activity where she had a small bin filled with macaroni and measuring cups and the kids could dig and pour. She also brought small wooden animals to bury in the macaroni for them to find. They loved it!

I decided to make one for us on a grander scale. I bought a big bin and 30 pounds of pasta in bulk. The kids played with it for over an hour along with a visiting guest. It’s like an indoor sand table, but with less mess. Even when the macaroni gets scattered it is easy to scoop back up and put back in. If you do the activity on a large blanket it is even easier.

It would be easy to incorporate some speech practice too if you’re doing it one-on-one. You can target in, out, up, down, more, big, little, etc. You could also use (bury them and then dig them back out) small dolls or lego figures for mama, dada, baby, and other family members. You could use small animal figures for animal sounds like moo, baa, neigh, etc. If you’re working on colors you can incorporate different color cups and practice your color words. If you’re working on two word phrases it’s even better because you can do mama in, daddy out, uh oh baby, moo up, baa down, etc. Fun and speech all at the same time.

Don't take the nap away!

The signs are there. Michael used to go down at 7:30 or so at night, fall asleep on his own in about a half an hour and then sleep through till about 7:00 the next morning. He would also go down for about a 2 and ½ hour nap every afternoon. It was a beautiful thing. Then he started playing before falling asleep at night. We still put him down between 7:30 and 8:00 in the evening, but he’s often still awake at 9:30. He entertains himself in his room, and then falls asleep on his own but it’s still a sign. He’s also waking up earlier - at around 6:15 in the morning. At naptime he plays and plays in his room. He’ll play for two hours and never fall asleep. If I go into his room and sit in a chair insisting that he lie still in his bed he’ll fall asleep after 15 minutes or so. Then he’ll still sleep for about two hours. However, I think the signs are there. He’s ready to drop the nap.

• He doesn’t fall asleep on his own for his nap any more.
• He is fine, behaviorally, until bedtime even when he doesn’t nap.
• He’s staying awake after bedtime for at least an hour or more.
• He’s waking up earlier in the morning.

He’s willing to play quietly in his room while his sister naps giving me a break in the afternoon. Why am I still going upstairs and putting him to sleep?

I do it because it’s Ava’s therapy time. That time between when Ava wakes up and when Michael wakes up is when I work with her on her speech. If I stop putting Michael to sleep he’ll hear her get up and want to come downstairs too. Then I lose the therapy time.

I need a plan for working with Ava while Michael is up, but I haven’t figured something out yet. I need to find something to entertain him quietly that won’t interest her at all. The problem is, she wants to do everything he’s doing. Until I have a brilliant idea I’ll just muddle along with the current setup. But it won’t last much longer. I think Michael’s afternoon nap is on its way out. Suggestions?

Compliment?

I was tucking Michael into bed tonight and told him in a rather sappy voice, "Goodnight, Little One. I love you." In a rather sappy voice, he returned, "Goodnight, Little One....I mean Big One. I love you too."

Do-over

As a parent, do you ever want the opportunity to take five minutes and do them again in a completely different way? We were at the store. Ava didn’t want to ride and so she and I were walking behind Daddy who was pushing the cart. We’d been there a while and so the adults were ready to finish up and leave. We’d lost sight of Daddy because he’d turned a corner and we hadn’t. All of a sudden I was tugged to a stop. Ava had caught sight of a little white jewelry box on an end-cap. It was placed right at her height and was the type with lots of little doors and drawers. She was already trying to open a door.

I glanced down long enough to see what was holding us up. What I said to her was, “Don’t touch, baby! Come on. Hurry up. We need to find Daddy.” Then I just pulled her along. At the time, I didn’t give it any more thought than that.

However, after my own lights out, as I was lying in bed thinking back over the day I found myself dwelling on that moment. I wish I had knelt down and helped her open every door and drawer on that jewelry box. It only would have taken a few minutes. She’d have loved it. We could have used the words, “Wow!” and “open” at least 10 times each.

As I thought back over it, I did the mommy guilt thing for at least 15 minutes and then decided to file the experience away as a lesson learned. I will try harder to remember that this is her life too and she doesn’t want to be rushed through it. I will try harder to remember that even a few minutes of our time makes a huge difference to her and her memory of any given outing. Next time, I don’t want to be lying in bed wishing for a do-over.

Competing Priorities

I'm a stay-at-home mom right now and for the foreseeable future. I try to spend a lot of time playing with my kids. In an ideal world I'd do some sort of special, planned activity every day (art, cooking, building, etc). I don't actually do that every day of course, but I try - or I used to.

Ever since Ava's diagnosis I've been doing all of the things a parent needs to do in such a situation: phone calls, research, and taking Ava to appointments or having appointments here. It all consumes an extraordinary amount of time. Then, on top of all of that, I'm trying to research as an SLP to guide my work with Ava. I'm studying the disorder of CAS, learning about the various approaches to intervention, purchasing and reading books on the subject, and beginning to make therapy materials.

Instead of playing with my children or planning activities to do with them, I find myself at the computer most of the morning. I stop to kiss boo boos, get drinks, mediate conflicts, help various children potty, and make meals. And I try to tell myself that I'm encouraging independent play. After all, they've been playing with each other more. Yesterday they built a fort out of chairs and blankets and played in it pretty much on their own. They travel upstairs and play in their rooms or downstairs to the playroom in the basement. All of that is good. But I still feel guilty that I'm not doing more with them right now.

Life will balance out again eventually, right?

Experimentation

You hear that toddlers and preschoolers can be forces of chaos and destruction. I read a blog post recently by one of my favorite bloggers about her toddler who took a pair of scissors to their sofa and his preschool-aged brother who tried to tape up the evidence. In general my children do not do these things. I have to count my blessings as they come.

However, in the past week Ava has taken a crayon to our basement playroom wall. Crayon over about four feet of one of the beautiful walls in the playroom with the gorgeous murals painstakingly painted by their grandfather and a good family friend over about 5-10 total days of work spread out over a couple of months. This picture is of one small section. I have not yet tried to remove the crayon. I've never needed to before. Do I just take a wet washcloth to it?

Then after two hours of not napping, I went upstairs to fetch Michael and discovered that he had stuffed multiple wads of toilet paper into the bathroom sink drain (which is missing the little drain cap thing that should be there). I did manage to extract them with my good tweezers. Then his father noticed that he had apparently used a hard object to bang a series of dents into the drawer of the nice bedside table in his room.

All children seemed appropriately regretful when the error of their ways was pointed out to them and we’ve had no repeats. Still, where on earth is this coming from?

Expanding Horizons

My son is a little over three years old. I am watching him explore his world and his place in it. It’s extraordinary to watch his world expand little by little and see him gain confidence. We waited a long time to switch him from his crib to a toddler bed simply because he was so happy in his crib. He would play happily for an hour before falling asleep and another hour after he woke up before he would call for someone to get him. He slept well. We didn’t see any need to change that prematurely. However, as he approached his third birthday we decided to make the switch and he was excited about it. It made me a little sad though that I would go up to get him an hour or so after he woke up and find him still in the bed. It didn’t even occur to him that he could crawl out on his own.

Then one day it just happened. He left the crib. And chaos ensued. He’d still happily play in his room…but for two or three hours. And never fall asleep. Overnight he went from taking two and a half hour naps to no naps at all. I loved that he was enjoying a new level of independence. I was still essentially getting a break in the afternoon since he happily spent all of that time in his room, but he still needed the sleep. I finally found a solution. I let him play for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and then I go sit in a chair in his room. That effectively pins him to his bed and he falls asleep within 10 minutes. And sleeps for at least 2 hours.

Concurrently with all of this we’ve been potty training. He’s been day trained for quite some time, but he began showing interest in taking himself to the bathroom rather than going in his nap/bedtime diaper if he was awake. So we told him that if he needs to go to the bathroom he can leave his room and do that quietly and return to bed. A whole new level of chaos has ensued. Minutes after leaving the room doors begin to slam and running feet can be heard. Last night we put him to bed at 8pm and he was still awake when I was going to bed at 10:30. And that time is now spent entering and leaving his room. Another favorite is peering down at us from the upstairs balcony in a manner he thinks is quiet. I have no idea what he thinks he is doing, but he also goes into and out of his closet slamming the sliding doors open and shut each time. Feet thunder back and forth over our heads.

I love the independence and exploration. I love that his world had grown from the confines of his crib, to toddler bed, to his room, to the areas outside his room. However, I miss the beautiful sleep. And I’m pretty sure he does too. I’ll give him a week or so to see if the exploration grows old on its own, but if not I guess I’ll have to do the sitting with him trick at night time too.

Hula Fail

So my mom got me a weighted, adult-size hula hoop and instructional dvd for Christmas. I had asked for them on a whim. I had never actually used a hula hoop successfully before, but I’d never had an adult-sized one before either. Supposedly the bigger it is, the easier it is.

So, I tried it. I’m terrible at it, but I had fun. I managed about 30 seconds to a minute at a time over 15 minutes or so. The next day I was bruised. Seriously! Bruised. So, there was a three day break while I waited to heal. The next time I tried it I was a little better. I could hoop for say, 45 seconds at a time to maybe 2 minutes at a time. Again, over a 15 – 20 minute time span. The next day – more bruises and another waiting period.

I’d really like to hula hoop for fun and fitness. I find it to be a mood booster. I could use a mood booster. But at the rate of 15 minutes twice a week I don’t see much progress happening. At least I do see a little bit of humor in the situation.

Symbiosis

Ava and I are like two halves of a communication whole. When it comes to common routine things I almost always know what she wants and what she’s trying to communicate. I know that she wants a snack when she gets up from nap. Usually we go through a question and answer routine. Do you want a banana…some yogurt…some milk…etc? She’s remarkably eloquent with intonation and vowels. I wonder if my ability to read her and to facilitate her communication is a mixed blessing. I’m pretty sure she’s less frustrated than other kids with her level of verbal skills because I’m so good at helping her. However, she’s reluctant to spend time with anyone but me. Also, she may not try as hard to verbalize because she doesn’t have to.

Recently we’ve begun teaching her sign. We also put up a communication board with the most common things she wants from the kitchen on the wall in the kitchen. I’m expecting her to actually ask for what she wants in one of those two ways (usually accompanied by a verbalization) instead of just guessing until I get it right. I think she likes it. She’s excited about being able to ask for what she wants using the communication board. She’s spontaneously using the signs for milk, please, and help. It’s really a lot of progress for only about a week of using these interventions.

There’s just so much more locked in that little head. She’s almost two. She should have at least 50 words and be using 2-3 word phrases. I don’t know that many signs, and our communication board only has 8 pictures. You can just tell that she’s wanting to communicate more complex thoughts and just doesn’t have the tools to do it. I wish I were fluent in sign so that I could open up a whole different method of communication for her. I want to hear what she has to say. I don’t care right now how she says it.

Schedules

The rhythms of life as a stay at home parent have gone through such distinct stages. There’s the sleep deprivation / breastfeeding stage where night and day blend together as do the days of the week. All time is the same. It drove me crazy a bit. And with my two babies only 15 months apart, in some ways I felt like I spent two straight years in that stage.

Next there was the stage of two toddlers. This was actually quite nice. I liked it here. The days and nights become distinct again. Days start to have regularly scheduled appointments like nursery school two mornings a week. Regular playdates are set. Conversations begin to return with adults aside from your husband and on topics other than the feeding, sleeping, changing, and development of babies.

And now there’s something new. Parent of a child with special needs. I’m barely starting this and I’m realizing that appointment are beginning to be difficult to keep track of. There’s school two mornings a week. Two half hour therapy sessions a week with the private therapist. The IFSP meeting coming up. The hearing test coming up. Then we’ll be scheduling the first steps therapy session(s). That will probably be once a week for an hour which is their typical schedule. I’m going to try to advocate for half hour sessions twice a week though. It’s better for kids with apraxia and I have the citations to prove it. I doubt any speech-path knowledgeable about apraxia would argue the point, but sometimes practicality wins. They serve you in your home. If you factor in driving time, you are asking them to fit in extra time into a busy schedule serving other families too. It can’t hurt to ask though, right? So that will bring us up to three or four therapy appointments a week. Plus two mornings of preschool. We also have two regular playdates. I hate to let those go, but I begin to wonder where we’ll fit it all in. The kids still nap in the afternoon. And don’t they get to just hang out at home any more? Balance… does it even matter? Or is the therapy more important?