Social Dynamics

I try hard to find playmates for my children. Michael has a weekly playdate with a boy up the street who is only 6 weeks older than he is. We've been getting together regularly for at least a year and a half. They are a wonderful family and it has been pretty amazing to watch their relationship develop from two babies playing side by side to two boys who run off to play independently. Ava is just starting to get together regularly with a little girl in our neighborhood who is only 4 months older than she is. So far, they mostly just play in the same space, but that is fairly typical for a couple of two year olds playing together.

I have a friend too. We've known each other since before marriage and children. Now she has a little girl,Cara, who turned four just a few weeks after Ava turned two. She is 8 months older than Michael and almost exactly two years older than Ava. We try to get together on a weekly basis too. It's great that the kids get along, but mostly, we just want to get together ourselves.

Usually, Cara and Michael play together. That was especially the case before Ava started talking. Or all three children would play independently. When they came over yesterday though, a whole new dynamic appeared. The two girls went off together. Cara was actively engaging Ava and trying to make her laugh. They were tickling and wrestling and just being silly. They climbed on the playset together. In fact, every time one wandered off, the other would follow. The girls played together for extended periods of time while Michael ended up a bit neglected.

I was torn. It was amazing to watch the girls playing together even with the two year age gap. The communication, enjoyment, and togetherness was like something that had been gift wrapped for Ava and it was beautiful. At the exact same time, I hurt for Michael. He was trying to get in on the fun, he really was. But somehow he just ended up sidelined. The girls weren't deliberately leaving him out. They were just interested in different activities.

I suppose that when Ava tags along on Michael's playdates she is the one sidelined, but somehow that doesn't make me as sad because the pair playing together are age matched. It was just fascinating to watch gender and personality determine the playmates more so than age. Social dynamics start so very young.

Redecoration

I'm going to begin with the basic facts.
A few months before Ava was born we decided to move Michael into the guest bedroom and to give Ava his old room. My dad painted his room a wonderful shade of green and we bought beautiful wall decals to decorate the room. Well, the wall decals didn't go up for months and months, but we finally made the time. I entertained both children while Daddy painstakingly arranged the decals around the room and the room came out beautifully. Note exhibit A: beautifully arranged wall decals.

Last night we noticed a brand new arrangement of wall decals (exhibit B). Michael had borrowed bits and pieces of other arrangements to make a new one of his own. He climbed up on a chair in his room (multiple times I assume) to arrange the stolen elements next to one of the pictures in his room.

Initial reactions.
Parents: Did you do this?!?
Michael: No. (obviously a lie)
Parents: Why did you do that? Mommy and Daddy worked hard to make your room pretty!
Michael: I'm sorry. (looking pitiful and crushed)
Parents: (starting to feel a little guilty) Well, it does look very nice sweetheart, and we can tell you worked hard on it. But Mommy and Daddy worked hard on your stickers and we would like for you to leave them where they are from now on.

At that point we returned to the regularly scheduled bedtime routine and put Michael to bed for the night.


Parental Discussion
Dala: Why is it that our first reaction to creativity and initiative is to crush it? I'm feeling a little guilty.
(can still hear banging from upstairs indicating that Michael is actually awake and playing rather than sleeping)
Daddy: It did look pretty nice didn't it?
Dala: Yeah, and he must have worked hard on it.
Daddy: That's it. I'm going upstairs right now to talk to him about it.


5-10 minute delay


Daddy's report.
Dala: So, how did that go?
Daddy: He obviously felt proud. We went over and I picked him up so we could look at it. We talked about how nice it looked. He was relieved that we liked it.
Dala: You're such a good Daddy.


Your thoughts?
What do you think? Was our initial reaction as out of line as we thought? Would you let your kids intentionally rearrange their room decorations?

Illustrated Early Chapter Books

First, I just have to say that I wrote this post twice. The first time I wrote it I walked away without saving (always a mistake, I know) and came back to find the computer had mysteriously rebooted and it was gone. After crying a bit and wallowing in self pity I decided that I liked the post enough to try to recreate it. The second time I wrote it I saved about 30 times - every time a child interrupted me. And without further ado, here is version 2.0.

You start with a baby who looks at the pictures in picture books for about five seconds before wanting to chew on the book. Ideally, you end up with a young child who enjoys listening to chapter books. How do you get from point A to point B? (I'm just talking about listening to books here, not the child reading the books for him or herself.) In my mind I think of the progression as something like this:

1. Picture Books
2. Early Readers: These are books with multiple chapters, but each chapter is a separate story. Examples include the Frog and Toad series by Arnold Lobel and the Little Bear series by Elsa Holmelund Minarik.
3. Illustrated Early Chapter Books: These are books with multiple chapters that tell a single story. They are illustrated on every page.
4. Early Chapter Books: These are books with multiple chapters that tell a single story. There are usually only one or two illustrations per chapter. An example is the Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne.

Picture books are plentiful, beautiful, and easy to find and enjoy. Picture books are an interesting genre because they can be very simple and very complex. Some picture books have no words at all, and some are actually written at a fifth or sixth grade reading comprehension level. You can read picture books to children forever. You just need to start simple and gradually get more complex.

Early readers are also pretty easy to find. Step into Reading is a early reader program that goes through four steps in increasing difficulty. I Can Read is also a early reader program that has four levels. The Frog and Toad books are actually I Can Read books Level Two. I highly recommend any of Arnold Lobel's books as great early readers. The thing about early readers is that they are typically a single story or the books are broken into chapters but each chapter tells a different story. In the Frog and Toad books, for example, all the stories are about the same two characters, but the stories can be read in any order.

There are many early chapter book series. Magic Tree House is one of the most popular. These books are longer, often around ten chapters long. They are also much more sparsely illustrated than picture books or early readers. There are usually only one or two illustrations per chapter. It is a big jump, particularly if you are trying to transition to chapter books with a preschooler, from early readers to early chapter books. They just still need the pictures.

That's why I started looking for illustrated early chapter books. They were much harder to find than I expected. (There are a few, like the Magic School Bus series, that I'm not discussing here because they are just deal with topics that are not right for a preschooler. I need something that works for a preschooler, not just a grade school aged child.) Here are five series I found that are illustrated early chapter book series that would be interesting to a preschooler.

1. Mr. Putter and Tabby by Cynthia Rylant: This series is about an elderly gentleman named Mr. Putter and his cat Tabby. They have many adventures, often with their neighbor Mrs. Teaberry and her dog Zeke. The adventures are often simple, but the stories are sweet, the relationships are genuine, and the mishaps of the characters make Michael laugh out loud. They paint a porch, fly a (model) airplane, go on a train ride, bake a cake, in addition to many other activities. We've read almost all of these books and have enjoyed every one. There are three or four chapters in each book and each page has a full color illustration. These books are a great transition from early readers to early chapter books.

2. Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa by Erica Silverman: This series is about a young cowgirl on a working cattle ranch and her talking horse Cocoa. The books are beautifully illustrated on each page and the stories are accessible for a preschooler. These books are also usually four chapters long. I thought that the cowgirl and ranch theme might turn him off, but Michael enjoyed these and looked forward to the next one.

3. Henry and Mudge by Cynthia Rylant: This is another series by Cynthia Rylant. This one is about a boy and his really big dog named Mudge. Again, the pair have really simple adventures. One story is about a mud puddle, another is about camping, a third is about catching a cold. Somehow, even though the main character is a boy, Michael likes the Mr. Putter and Tabby series more, but this one is still a great illustrated chapter book series. These books are also usually three or four chapters each and are illustrated on every page.

4. Mercy Watson by Kate DiCamillo: These are books about a pig and her misadventures. The books are beautifully illustrated and extremely well reviewed. These books are longer, around 8-10 chapters each. We read a couple of these and then abandoned the series. I think that the jump in length was a little too hard and the content was just a little too old. It's close though, and fits the criteria of an illustrated early chapter book so I wanted to mention it just in case it works for you. We'll revisit them in a few months.

5. Flat Stanley by Jeff Brown: This series is about a young boy who became flat (only one inch thick) when a bulletin board fell on him. He has a series of adventures and solves mysteries as only he can, because he is flat. This series is a little higher level for two reasons. The books are longer, around 9-11 chapters each. The illustrations are not on every single page, and the illustrations are black and white line drawings rather than full color illustrations. We have only read two of these so far, but Michael seems to like them and the stories are able to appeal to him as a preschooler so I'm including the series in this list. Definitely try the other ones first though. They are more appropriate.

That's it. That's all I could find. If you know of any other series that meet my criteria of an illustrated early chapter book series that would appeal to preschoolers, please let me know. I'd absolutely love to find more. Otherwise, enjoy the ones I have found. I hope you like them. Let me know if you read them.

Independent Entertainment

My children seem to be entirely dependent on me for their entertainment. "Mama, will you play with me? I'm lonely." Michael will say. Or Ava will demand, "Mama! Pay! (play)" We have a beautiful playset outside with three levels and a slide and some swings. We have a sand table and a box full of balls, chalk, bubbles, jump ropes, bats, and squirt bottles. However, when we're outside all they seem to want is for me to push them on the swings. They haven't learned to climb up into the swing and pump on their own yet. I need to encourage some independence in their play.

Last night after dinner we added two new things to the backyard. They are so simple and yet the children loved them and played with them independently for at least 20 minutes until it was getting dark and time to go in for bath. First we added a disc swing. When I bought it I daydreamed that we'd hang it low and the children would be able to get on it by themselves and swing without me. Well, as it turns out they cannot get on the swing by themselves. Ava cannot hold on even if we put her on and Michael can only hold on for about 30 seconds before falling off although he loves the 30 seconds. It looked like it was going to be a failure until Ava decided that she loved to grab the swing, pull it back and make it go "high!" She'll do it over and over again. Michael wanted to hit it with a bat and watch it swing around and absolutely loved it, but the swing was a little too low to make hitting it with the bat easy.

This gave us the idea to suspend a wiffle ball just at Michael's hitting height. He had a blast "whacking" the ball over and over again. He loved the sound of the bat hitting the ball. He loved watching it fly away from him and giggled every time the string brought it back bumping into him. It was hard to drag him away and he can't wait to try it again.

The two new additions were a complete success. Hopefully the newness won't wear off too quickly.

I'm sad you yelled at me.

Michael is a really sensitive child. He gets really upset when he feels he's being fussed at or criticized. When I lose my patience and yell unfairly, I try to apologize and give him a hug. As I'm hugging him and apologizing to him I can feel the tension drain from his body and it is clear from his behavior that he is able to move on much better than when I don't apologize and hug him.

Now, I never really raise my voice significantly, but I do let my children know via tone of voice when I am frustrated with their behavior. Due to the nature of a toddler and preschooler sharing the same space, I find myself fussing several times a day. Typical conflicts usually involve sharing or following directions in a semi-timely manner.

Lately, Michael has taken to responding to every correction by saying, "Mommy, I'm sad that you yelled at me." accompanied by a really pitiful face. He's obviously fishing for an apology every single time he's being corrected. I'm torn as to how to handle the situation. I usually say something to the effect of, "Yes, Mama did probably fuss louder than she needed to, but I was frustrated that you ______" (fill in the blank with the current misbehavior of the moment).

I'm not happy with that response though. Am I really trying to teach him that it's all right to yell when you're frustrated? Nope. Perhaps a better response would be, "Sometimes mommies fuss when their children aren't listening. Next time, you can share with your sister and Mama won't need to fuss." I should still apologize when I cross the line and fuss out of frustration rather than a desire to correct misbehavior, but when the fussing is appropriate I should just say so?

Any thoughts? How do you other parents of little ones handle similar situations? How do you think I should respond?

Better Late than Never

Ava had her second playdate with Sara yesterday morning. Illnesses, a variety of other commitments, and some travel conspired to disrupt every attempt we made at setting up a second playdate. It took us two months, but we finally managed to get together again.

The weather was perfect. It was about 70 degrees and sunny. We spent about an hour playing in the backyard. Sara was shy at first, but then realized that we had fun things like chalk and bubbles and squirt bottles. They played in the sand table, climbed in the playhouse, and went down the slide. The girls are still at an age where they mostly just play in the same space rather than really playing together. They were usually doing the same things though, and it was nice to see the two small bodies side by side playing together.

If we can manage to get together regularly it will look so different a year from now. Michael and his friend are now talking to each other and I can hear sounds of preschool conversation drifting towards me from a bedroom or playroom when they get together. I hope that I will hear that from Ava and Sara in time.

A B C

I’m working on making my own alphabet border as a decoration for our playroom. I thought it would brighten the room a little. Michael knows his letters and is working on his letter/sound correspondences. This project is a good way to talk about that a little. I’m trying to choose a picture (or pictures) for each letter that is appealing to my kids. If the letter corresponds to one sound in some words and another sound in other words I’m trying to represent both sounds on the border. So, A has both acorn and apple and C has both cow and city. I’ll post more pictures as I get more of the border done.

Fine Motor Activity - One

I came across this webpage on handwriting. The entire site has been fun to browse. I don’t even remember how I ended up at the site, but I'm glad I found it. The page has a great list of fun fine motor activities. Since I’m looking for fine motor activities to do with Michael, and fun activities to do with the children in general, I was pretty excited.

I decided to do the eye dropper art. I gathered eye droppers (something I had gotten months ago for art projects and never used), paper towels, cookie trays, food coloring, a cup of water, and ice cube trays before I called the kids over to the kitchen table. (Please excuse the blurriness of the picture. I didn't realize it was so bad, but at least it gives you an idea of what the prep looked like.)

I did a sanity check and decided propping the eye droppers in ice cube trays wouldn’t work and switched them out for empty baby food jars: two for Michael, two for Ava, and two for me. I brought the kids in and we talked about how water is clear but when we add the food coloring to it we can make it pretty colors. I let them choose the colors to make. Ava chose pink and green. Michael chose pink and yellow. I chose purple and blue. They loved watching the food coloring drop into the water and combine as we swirled.

Then I stuck an eye dropper in each jar and let them start. I quickly realized neither child knew how to use an eye dropper. Michael picked it up pretty quickly. Ava took a little more time but eventually got it. Michael didn’t have the patience (or fine motor control) to do only one drop at a time even when I encouraged him and showed him with my picture that you could do things like make flowers using one drop at a time.

He did stay engaged in the activity for nearly twenty minutes though which is a major accomplishment. Usually he’ll only do an art activity for a few minutes before getting bored/frustrated and wanting to quit. Ava loved it too. She actually remained at the table another ten minutes or so after Michael left to do another one.

I think the finished products are rather pretty. Mine is the one that looks vaguely like flowers. Ava’s are the small ones and Michael’s is the other large one.

I’m going to do this project again. We all enjoyed it and it’s good fine motor practice. Perhaps if I demonstrate how to make a train track or road or something like that he’ll be motivated to fine tune a little more?

Oral Apraxia

Quick Definition for those who don't know: Oral apraxia is difficulty with the motor planning involved in movements of the face, tongue, jaw that are not involved with speech. Examples include making a kiss, blowing bubbles, and sticking out the tongue.

We had a very interesting therapy session yesterday with our early intervention therapist. I mentioned that I was hoping to try to stimulate the /l/ sound a little because Ava needs to use it regularly in the name of someone close to her. Right now she substitutes the /y/ sound for the /l/. Her therapist suggested that we try to get her to lift her tongue up by holding a lollipop up near her upper lip and getting her to reach her tongue up to lick it. I thought it sounded like a fun activity and Ava rarely gets lollipops so she was going to love the activity.

It was incredibly hard for her. I know that Ava has some oral apraxia. I know she smiled late, blew raspberries late, and made kissing sounds late. I know she has trouble imitating things like sticking out her tongue, blowing bubbles, and biting her lip. I had never seen the struggle so clearly though. She just could not get her tongue to move up at all. She wanted to. She was trying so hard her whole jaw practically quivered. She tried to compensate by using her bottom lip to try to raise the tongue up which didn’t work at all. We finally got some success by bringing the lollipop down to her tongue and then having the tongue follow the lollipop up as we raised it a little.

Michael saw his sister getting a lollipop and wanted some too. We figured letting him do it would be a good model for her. He couldn’t do it either. His attempts looked exactly like hers. It’s fascinating that his speech is pretty good with no real signs of verbal apraxia at this point (even though his early development was worrisome), but he does have oral apraxia. I knew he couldn’t blow bubbles, but since he was talking just fine, I didn’t really examine the issue closer.

I’m not sure what the significance of the oral apraxia is. I haven’t really had a chance to process this new information. I need to think and then research a little. It doesn’t really change anything. Yes, I saw it more clearly today, but it has always been there. Perhaps though, I can use the new insight to find some new strategies for working with her. If nothing else, it very clearly reminds me why it’s almost impossible to teach her a new sound (for example /l/ by lifting the tongue or /f/ by biting the lip) by simply having her watch me do it and asking her to imitate the motion. She can’t. She really just can’t.

This is a striking example of why you can’t treat apraxia like other speech disorders. With an articulation disorder or a phonological disorder the children can watch you and imitate the oral-motor actions. Often, children with apraxia can’t. You need to use alternate strategies.

The Weekly Review: Week Two

Blog Post I Enjoyed Most: I really liked this post on Balancing Everything. I’m a teacher and an SLP so education themed posts always interest me. I’m also fascinated by the idea of homeschooling. I don’t think I could do it, but I admire the people who do it well. This is a post by a mom who homeschools four children. She describes the activities they did during a week of science exploration. She includes great pictures of some of their projects.

Interesting Apraxia Article: Speech and Language Development in Infants and Young Children by Caroline Bowen. This isn’t actually an article about apraxia. It’s an article about speech and language development. You have to know what is typical before you can decide how worried you need to be.

Sibling Moment of the Week You know the kind of awkward hug you give an ex-boyfriend when you encounter them on the street and you aren’t even sure that’s the appropriate way of greeting them? Well, I missed the very beginning of the interaction, but I walked in on Ava and Michael giving each other a very awkward hug. Then they just kind of stood there for a second. So, I said something to the effect of, “Oh, are you guys wrestling? How fun!” They immediately started giggling and kind of pushing against each other. Michael promptly pushed Ava over and fell right on top of her. They both busted out laughing and scrambled back to their feet with Ava pleading, “more, more.” So they go through the awkward hug process again, and again Michael topples Ava right over landing on top of her. Much laughter ensued. This went on several rounds until the game was ended by Michael’s head connecting with Ava’s check hard enough to leave a bruise. So, it didn’t end well but it was still a beautiful five minutes. Those moments when my children are playing with each other (not both playing with me, but truly playing with each other) captivate me. I love watching them bond as siblings.

Michael’s Question: We were reading Mouse Soup at bedtime. Michael knows his letters and a lot of sound correspondences, so I’m doing a little pre-reading skills work during our reading time. For example, I’ll point to each word of the title as I read it. Then I’ll ask, “Which word is mouse?” Then I pointed to the “m” and said mmmm, the “ou” and said ow, and the “s” and said sssss. I just kind of skipped the “e” since I figured that explanation was a bit too complex for now. He never misses anything though and interrupted the beginning of the story to ask, “Mama, why is that E there at the end of mouse?” To be honest, I didn’t quite know how to answer him. I said something about how sometimes “they” add a silent e to the ends of words even though it really doesn’t make much sense. I was so proud that he thought to ask the question though.

Ava’s new favorite word: No. (and not) She loves using it in the typical toddler defiant fashion. She’s also using it in a large percentage of her sentences. She’s obviously exploring the concept and testing it out. So, she’ll say something like, “Ava pink shoes. No mama pink shoes.” Or, she’ll say, “Mama no tickle.” Now imagine a negative attached to most of our conversations and you get the idea.

Birthday of the Week: Happy birthday to my wonderful husband. It was the first year the children could understand and participate in celebrating the birthday of one of their parents. They had a great time blowing up balloons and “helping” me put the letters on the cake. We were getting ready to surprise Daddy when he came home from work, but the kids managed to let the surprise slip before he got around the corner to where he could see the kitchen table. It didn’t matter though. He loved it anyway.

Screening Results - Always interesting

Each year, Missouri’s Parents as Teachers (PAT) program offers a free screening to each child enrolled in the program.  Michael’s screening was Monday.  This was the first year he got the “preschool” screening rather than the toddler developmental screening.  Our PAT educator, Ms. S., came to our house to do the screening.  She worked with Michael independently at the kitchen table while I kept Ava busy in the playroom.  The screening probably took about half an hour.  To be honest, I wasn’t paying close attention to the time so I’m not completely sure.  Ms. S. told me that they don’t switch over to the preschool screening until the child is at least 3 years, 3 months old so Michael just made the cutoff to use the higher level screening. 

The screening has three parts:  a language section, a concepts section, and a motor section.  This particular screening is used with 3, 4, 5, and 6 year old children.  In fact, they’ll use the exact same form for the next two years so we’ll be able to track his progress from year to year.  The language section covers personal data (do they know their name, etc.), a basic articulation screening, matching actions to objects, letters and sounds skills, rhyming, and simple problem solving.  The concepts section covers body parts, colors, counting, shapes, positions (under, beside, etc.), and concepts (longest, full, cold, etc.).  The motor section covers both gross motor skills (catching, jumping, hopping, etc.) and fine motor skills (building with small blocks, cutting, copying symbols, etc.).

So, Michael did an amazing job on the language and concepts sections.  He performed at the 4, 5, and even 6 year old level on the questions on these sections.  I am so proud of him.  I knew he was a smart kid, but wow!  It’s always nice to have independent confirmation. 

In the motor section we saw an entirely different picture.  He pretty much performed at the under three level or barely qualified at the three year old level for these skills.  It’s strange.  He can use a computer mouse completely independently.  He can double click, single click, and move it to exactly where he wants it.  He can build complex structures with duplos and the smaller legos.  He can string beads onto a pipe cleaner.  And yet he holds crayons and pencils in his fist like he’s trying to stab someone with them.  He still doesn’t show consistent hand dominance.  Sometimes he’ll use the right and other times the left.  He isn’t interested in coloring for more than 2-3 minutes at a time perhaps because he finds it difficult.  He does like to cut paper, but we don’t do it often and so he isn’t very precise.  Perhaps I need to work art into our weekly schedule a little more often.   And as far as gross motor is concerned I guess we need to work more on balance and catching.  Hopefully spring will provide more opportunity to get outdoors and play physically some more.  He also cannot pedal a tricycle yet.

I suppose, as I parent I do the things I like most.  So we do a lot of singing, reading, talking, and playing with toys like legos, marble runs, trains, and puzzles.  We don’t do as much art and physical play.  I need to branch out more so that my children will have a more balanced skill set.   

So, overall I thought the screening was great.  It showed me that Michael is a smart little boy who has definite areas of strength and I’m so proud of him.  It also showed me that I have an opportunity to focus on some new things that hopefully we will all enjoy while getting to practice some new skills.

Does anyone have suggestions of fun art activities that might work on some of those fine motor skills beyond simple coloring projects?

Apraxia and infant bonding

This topic is a touchy one for me. I think it is because it ties in to my opinion of myself as a mother. I was always good with kids. Good with babies. I had lots of younger cousins and entertained them at family gatherings well before I was old enough to babysit. Once in high school and through the first two years of college I did a ton of babysitting. Then I chose to work with children as my profession.

I just assumed I’d be a wonderful mother. Before Michael was born I imagined bonding with him as an infant. I imagined he’s be comforted by my arms, voice, and face. I imagined playing peek-a-boo, singing songs, exchanging smiles and baby-talk. What I got was a baby who cried almost nonstop for 8 months. He didn’t seem to be comforted any more by me than by anyone else. He didn’t smile on schedule. He didn’t laugh on schedule. He preferred looking past me at the lights behind me rather than looking into my eyes. We never played peek-a-boo. He didn’t babble. I thought people were exaggerating when they talked about bonding with their infants. I thought they were reading things into their children’s behavior that weren’t there. I just didn’t realize exactly how different Michael’s early development was.

Ava followed only 15 and a half months later. She was a little more typical. She didn’t have the fascination with lights and the eye contact avoidance. She didn’t cry as much. She did seem to prefer her parents somewhat to others. In comparison, she seemed like such an easier baby. In retrospect, she still didn’t smile, laugh, coo, or babble on schedule. We still didn’t have that give and take, that positive feedback loop that leads to the early bonding so many people have with their infants.

My husband and I just thought we weren’t baby people. We didn’t realize that we were having a perfectly normal reaction to the fact that our children weren’t as socially interactive as a typical infant. It’s hard to bond with a baby that doesn’t smile at you. It’s hard to bond with a baby that doesn’t play the typical back and forth infant games like peek-a-boo and other finger plays. Without that interaction, bonding is just more difficult and will happen slower.

When I was watching home videos I came across one of Ava when she had just started to smile. She was almost 4 months old. It was difficult to get her to smile, and when I did it was in response to tickling (a physical stimulus), not in response to a social overture. She almost seemed to be struggling. I can remember that Michael’s first laugh was in response to being thrown up in the air and caught again – also in response to a physical stimulus. And he was much older.

Looking back on it now, I think much of this could be related to the apraxia. The late smiles and laughs and the lack of babbling are all early red flags for apraxia. I never really reflected on the impact that has on the parent’s relationship with their baby – and their confidence in themselves as a parent.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? It would make for an amazing research study.

Our house = Plague ground zero

So, as I discussed, Michael had some kind of stomach bug last week. It hit him last Friday night to be exact. I didn’t mention it at the time, but my husband and I came down with it Sunday night. We thought Ava had escaped because she was at her my parents’ house Friday night. They even kept her Saturday night too to try to protect her. I didn’t know I was sick yet on Sunday so we had therapy with Ms. J that morning and our playdate. I found out later that Sara got sick this past week. Then Ava got sick anyway Monday night. So far, this bug had proven to be extremely contagious. But at that point we thought we were clear. No one had been sick since Monday night.

Thursday my mom had the day off so she spent the morning with us. The other set of grandparents were coming in to town this past weekend to celebrate Ava’s birthday with us. The party was planned for Saturday morning. Ava spent Saturday night at my parents’ house again so we could decorate. Saturday morning early my parents called asking us to come get her. My mom had the bug. My parents were going to have to miss the party. Mom had to have picked it up at our house Thursday morning even though no one was sick any longer.

So if you’re counting we now have infected all four of us, a playdate friend, and my mother. Victims = 6. We did warn my husband’s parents. But they had driven 8 hours to spend some time with us so they came. It was wonderful. We had a delightful party. The children and the grandparents played beautifully together. We spent all day Saturday and Sunday together. We had plans to go to a children’s museum together Monday. Nope. Both of my husband’s parents got sick last night. My dad got sick too. Now we’re up to 9 victims. Seriously, this thing has a 100% infection rate.

Everyone else had a terrible 5-8 hours and then several days of low appetite/energy. My mom, on the other hand, is now in the hospital. In an isolation room. She’s not getting better. Three days in her symptoms are still severe. I feel terrible. I’m worried.

So, due to a bug that passed through our household last weekend and we thought had passed, we managed to put my mother in the hospital and infect three other grandparents as well. Two of those grandparents drove 8 hours for the privilege. Not our most successful weekend ever.

The secret and the consequences

I have discovered the secret to getting my children to enthusiastically finish off an entire bowl of carrots (or cucumbers or celery) and then come begging for more. First, provide dip. Second, give it to them before the meal. Serve it when they’re hungry, but you haven’t finished getting dinner ready yet. I put out a bowl of raw veggies with a side of dip and they go to town. If I serve it with the meal they’ll eat one or two. If I serve it before the meal they’ll polish off a whole bowl and ask for more.

I did this the other day, but told them “no” when they asked for seconds. I wanted them to be hungry for the rest of the meal. A few minutes later they wandered into the kitchen hands and faces covered in ranch dip. Since they were out of carrots they had just decided to finish off the dip with their hands. Sigh. I said to Michael as I was wiping off his hands, “In the future, we do not eat dip with our hands.” He asked, “Is this the future?”

Playdates

Our neighborhood is filled with little boys. One little boy, who lives up the street, is only six weeks older than Michael. Let’s call him Justin. I ran into Justin’s family during one of the walks I took with Michael his first summer when he was only six months old or so and I was desperately trying to stop the crying. By the time the boys were about a year old we were doing regular weekly playdates. It’s great. They’re a wonderful family and I’ve enjoyed watching the boys go from babies that played near each other to little boys who are beginning to play with each other.

At two (almost), as you all know, I felt Ava was also ready for regular playdates. And just last week through pure luck I stumbled upon a little girl right here in our neighborhood only a few months older than Ava. Let’s call her Sara. Sara even goes to Ava’s daycare and when Ava turns two in another week she’ll be moving into Sara’s class. So the girls will be together two mornings a week until Sara moves up to the next class. Sara’s mother is really nice and we set up our first playdate this past weekend. The girls seemed to have fun. They’re a little too young to really play together, but they played nicely in the same space with the same toys. We have another playdate set up for next weekend. I hope we can continue to get together with this family. They seem nice and it is such a gift for a child to have a friend that lives nearby. Hopefully I’m planting that seed.

Nighttime Wakenings

Nighttime Wakening One:
We were shocked awake by Ava's cries of "Mama! Mama!" We never have to go in to her in the middle of the night, but I could hear the panic in her voice. She had a foot stuck in between the rails. As soon as I got it out she instantly rolled over and fell back asleep. The scary part is that she stayed asleep when the smoke alarm went off seconds later because I had left her humidifier on full blast and coming into her room stirred the humidity up towards the smoke alarm. Logically, our high-tech smoke alarm interprets that as a fire. After turning her fan on full blast and waving a towel at the smoke alarm for what felt like five minutes it finally shut off and we were able to go back to sleep.

Nighttime Wakening Two:
Michael fell asleep quickly the other night because he had skipped his nap. I could hear a lot more restlessness and coughing than usual through the monitor and was a little worried, but not too much. I'm lucky. The vast majority of the time The children sleep beautifully every night from bedtime through to morning. But a few minutes later I knew exactly what I was hearing - the sound of a child throwing up and panicking about it. The mess was epic and involved changing bedding, wiping down the crib, carpet cleaning, washing several stuffed animals, a 10:30 pm bath, and a new set of pajamas. Michael and I were snuggled in a blanket waiting for his Daddy to finish cleaning when round two hit. An 11:00 pm bath ensued, followed by another round of laundry.

I decided we needed at least one puke free hour before trying to put him to bed so we relocated downstairs to pass the hour in front of the tv. Round three hit 40 minutes later, but this time the mess was contained to a single blanket. 40 minutes after that we managed a bucket. At that point I sent my husband back to bed and was hoping to get Michael back into his bed at 1:40 in the morning. So of course round five hit at 1:30 am. My next goal was 2:30. We only made it until 2:00am pushing my goal back to 3am. He finally fell asleep on the floor of the living room around 3am. I left him there not wanting to risk disturbing the fragile peace and slept on the sofa myself.

The sun's gift.

Last night we were heading out to the mall just as the sun was setting. There was a beautiful sunset. I explained what a sunset was and asked Michael what he thought of the sunset. He said, "I like the orange clouds the sun made for me." His favorite color is orange and the sunset was primarily orange. I just thought it was cute that he figured that the sunset was special ordered just for him.

Overshadowing

I haven't talked much about Michael here. He's an amazing kid. At 3 years, 3 months I'm starting to think of him as a little kid and not as my baby or toddler any more. He's so smart and helpful. He loves to figure out how things work and always wants to help fix things. He's had the opportunity to help both his father and grandfather with plumbing and car projects and loves it. He loves to be read to and we spend at least 45 minutes a day reading. He knows all his letters, both uppercase and lowercase, and he knows a lot of the letter sounds. Just this week he's started to help me read books. We were reading a Little Bear book and he could read the words "cat", "duck", "hen", "bear", and "owl" each time they came up.

He plays with Ava now and I adore watching them play together. The sound of the two of them giggling over playing tug of war or watching them roll around wrestling just fills me with happiness and pride.

He also talks all the time. Seriously. All the time. Constantly. Even when he's alone in his room I'll hear him talking through the monitor. He's talking in full sentences and is pretty much intelligible to his family and to strangers at least 90% of the time, so my speech concerns for him have disappeared. All the talking is wonderful, except for one drawback.

He spent this past weekend with my parents. Friday night through Sunday evening we were without him and it gave us a lot of one-on-one time with Ava. It was amazing. She was a lot more active and assertive and talkative when he was gone. She was the one getting to direct the play. She was the one being listened to. She was the one getting all the attention. It made me realize exactly how much attention goes to Michael when he's around. It's so natural and easy to interact with the child that is talking to you and so easy to overlook the one who is silent.

I guess I need to find a way to let Ava take center stage more often even when her brother is home. She's a delight. She's funny and sweet and interested in everything going on around her. When she gets our attention she just blossoms. Now how to make it happen without making her brother feel left out?

Cribless

This past weekend we converted Ava's crib to a toddler bed. Our household is now officially cribless.

Don't take the nap away!

The signs are there. Michael used to go down at 7:30 or so at night, fall asleep on his own in about a half an hour and then sleep through till about 7:00 the next morning. He would also go down for about a 2 and ½ hour nap every afternoon. It was a beautiful thing. Then he started playing before falling asleep at night. We still put him down between 7:30 and 8:00 in the evening, but he’s often still awake at 9:30. He entertains himself in his room, and then falls asleep on his own but it’s still a sign. He’s also waking up earlier - at around 6:15 in the morning. At naptime he plays and plays in his room. He’ll play for two hours and never fall asleep. If I go into his room and sit in a chair insisting that he lie still in his bed he’ll fall asleep after 15 minutes or so. Then he’ll still sleep for about two hours. However, I think the signs are there. He’s ready to drop the nap.

• He doesn’t fall asleep on his own for his nap any more.
• He is fine, behaviorally, until bedtime even when he doesn’t nap.
• He’s staying awake after bedtime for at least an hour or more.
• He’s waking up earlier in the morning.

He’s willing to play quietly in his room while his sister naps giving me a break in the afternoon. Why am I still going upstairs and putting him to sleep?

I do it because it’s Ava’s therapy time. That time between when Ava wakes up and when Michael wakes up is when I work with her on her speech. If I stop putting Michael to sleep he’ll hear her get up and want to come downstairs too. Then I lose the therapy time.

I need a plan for working with Ava while Michael is up, but I haven’t figured something out yet. I need to find something to entertain him quietly that won’t interest her at all. The problem is, she wants to do everything he’s doing. Until I have a brilliant idea I’ll just muddle along with the current setup. But it won’t last much longer. I think Michael’s afternoon nap is on its way out. Suggestions?