Arbitrary Dictates vs. Negotiation

As much as possible, I try to avoid making completely arbitrary decisions with my children. You know the ones. I'm talking about when you tell them "no" simply because that was the first response that came to mind. Or just because it is more convenient to tell them no than to let them make a mess pulling out yet another toy. Often, when I catch myself having made a completely arbitrary decision, I will change my mind. I'll say, "You know, I thought about it and actually I've decided that that is okay after all."

And then I read How to Land Your Kid in Therapy. The article talks about a lot of things that made me think. One small section talks about parents that don't actually say "no" and stick with it.

I started paying attention. My children negotiate a lot. Here's an example.

Me: When we get home it will be naptime. We'll have to go straight upstairs.
Them: Can we play a little first?
Me: No.
Them: Just one minute?
Me: Ok. Just one minute.

And then we really do play for only a short time. I usually feel like compromise and being flexible are good things to model, but as I started to pay attention I began to realize that my children seem to thing absolutely everything is up for negotiation.

I want to dress Ava. She wants to debate every single item of clothing and who gets to put it on how quickly. I want to get the children in the car and they want to choose a toy first. I say this is the last television show and they want just one more.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that my children are out of control. They are usually very well behaved and their requests are often fairly reasonable and not particularly disruptive to routine. However, I'm not sure that I want the take home message to be that I can always be negotiated with and I never really mean what I say.

I feel like one end of the spectrum is the "I expect you do do what I say when I say it." school of parenting while the other end of the spectrum is the "My child is a person and should do whatever they want." end of the spectrum. I'd like to fall somewhere in the middle, where I respect them and take their wants and feelings into consideration, but they respect me as the parent and ultimate decision maker. I'm just not sure that I'm achieving that at the moment.

Anyway, it was an interesting train of thought and I'm trying to be a bit less negotiable for a while. Where do all of you fall on the spectrum?

Playing with the Alphabet

I bought some of the clear glass gems that lots of people use in flower vases or fish tanks and tried to recreate a project I found in a magazine. I believe the magazine was Family Fun, but I couldn't swear to it. I searched through some old magazines and cut out letters of appropriate size and glued them onto the backs of the gems using regular school glue. As soon as I buy them, I'll glue circle magnets onto the backs of the alphabet gems.

The kids are very much enjoying playing with them already even though they don't have magnets yet.

I had some extra glass gems leftover after I had finished my alphabet, so I found some suffixes and blends and made those as well.

If the children were a little older, they would have enjoyed helping to find and cut out the letters. My little ones just played with cutting up the pages of the magazines I didn't need.

And to give credit where credit is due, my cousin participated cheerfully in much of the project helping to create at least a third of the alphabet.

The Weekly Review: Week 24

Blog Post Idea I Like

I liked this idea a lot. Ok. So, maps aren't really my thing. I'd rather do something a little different, but the idea is a great one. The children are often anxious to get to the table before the food is ready. Ava climbs up in her chair and then sits impatiently with nothing to do. It would be nice to have something there just ready to play with and discuss. Now, what else could go on the table besides a map?

The Weekly Michael

"I had a great day at school today!" These were the first words from Michael's mouth when I picked him up from school yesterday morning. They were said with enthusiasm, earnestness and sincerity. May he hold on to this sentiment as long as possible. Apparently the great day was due to the watercolor paints, orange play-doh, and new play-doh tools he got to use today at school.

On a completely different note, for the second week in a row Michael is only taking a nap on average about a third of the time. This happens periodically. Just about when I decide that his afternoon nap has disappeared, he starts taking the nap regularly again for another couple of months. However, having said that, I think this may be the beginning of the end of the nap. We'll see.

Ava this Week:

There's so much going on with Ava right now.

We've started OT and that's stretching her tolerances for sensory experiences.

She is becoming more independent by the day. I hear, "Do it ON MY OWN!" many, many times a day. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself to be patient. I try to remember that independence is a good thing and skill at it requires practice. And so I let her put on her own shoes and take off her own underwear and generally do lots of things herself that I could do 10 times faster, but that isn't the point.

She's also a tiny bit more appropriate in public. She still doesn't initiate interactions with other children, but she is retreating less when they encroach upon her space. I figure that's progress.

On the other hand, she didn't get her school pictures taken because she refused to go down the hall with the photographer. So be it. At least I don't have to worry about her being overly friendly with strangers (knock on wood). Silver lining: I won't be tempted by the crazy expensive prints. School pictures are such a racket.

The Weekly Visit:

As I've said, my cousin (Ava's godfather) is in town from New Orleans this week. The visit isn't over yet, but it has been wonderful. The kids adore him. We've been to Six Flags, the Botanical Gardens, a children's museum, and we're still planning on the going to the zoo. The children also just enjoy his company around the house. I've enjoyed having his company too. We've watched a little television and played some games. The company of another adult during the day is nice. I'll be sad to see him go on Sunday.